When the teenager asks us to help him clarify his sex feelings and to reassure him that they are all right, that he won't be hurt or punished, that they are not cause for self-loathing and disgust and that there are ways of control which need not bring the bereavement of complete denial, he is asking us to do what is impossible unless we have at least some grasp of his childish fantasies.
When we tell him about menstruation, about seminal emissions, about intercourse and having babies, the facts we give him may fall on a field so overgrown with the weeds of imagination that it is hard for the seeds of truth to take root.
When we try to set him straight on masturbation, we often run not only into what he has heard but also into what he has imagined.
When he propels himself into wild affairs, promiscuity or homosexual contacts, he is often still driven by his old unrealistic beliefs. In childhood these were natural. But he has failed to outgrow them. Impotence and frigidity, frightenedness or its cover-up of daredeviltry--these and many other problems can result and pursue him as he goes on.
Fortunately we have information today about the fantasies that are natural to persons as they grow up in our culture. This information comes from those who work most intimately with children and adolescents, as well as with adults who have been able to recover earlier feelings and thoughts. It contributes valuable knowledge to us who are eager to understand more deeply the youth whom we guide.
As we gain a sense of familiarity with the common fantasies that are part and parcel of children's normal development, we shall be better equipped to help our teen-agers move forward more successfully, accepting themselves and their own sex feelings with greater equanimity, assurance and faith.
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