Acquiring the know-how

We gripe. We voice grievances. Complain. Revile and swear. All these are ways in which we commonly let out negative feelings through the spoken word.

We can also use the written word as outlet. Common instances of this range from belligerent editorials and smear campaigns to poison-pen letters and pornographic scribblings on lavatory walls.

With pencil and brush still other outlets come into play. The bitter political cartoon is just one example.

The persons who take these outlets may be justifiably angry at the targets against which they strike. On the other hand they may be venting only feelings that cover the real source of their anger. Or their shame may mount with what they are doing so that the letting out fails to bring relief.

In schools and in youth groups of one sort or another, drawing, painting, modeling, writing and dramatics have all been used successfully as action channels through which troubled feelings may flow. * Sometimes and with some teen-agers these activities have also been used in the home.

Thirteen-year-old Larry, for instance, draws cartoons. In his comic strip he has two characters. He calls them Big Gnash and Little Gnash, and the latter invariably triumphs over his larger counterpart. In this fashion, Larry, with his pencil, battles with his father, who accepts it good-naturedly.

"So," he says, "I see! The kid here in your strip is taking his father's car on the sly. Pretty tricky. All kids would like to get by with things like that. Me, too. I used to want to . . ."

"Like me right now," grins Larry. "I'd like to, sure. But I know I can't."

(Notice particularly that Larry's father did not go into a lecture on the morals or ethics attached to car stealing. Even if Larry had not said so, he would have known that Larry already knew full well what constituted the rights and the wrongs in such a situation.)

Larry's father remembered hearing that the nagging irksomeness of countless forbiddings defeats their purpose. As another youngster put it, "It makes me heedless when you needle me with so many needless things."

Sometimes through games such as tennis or golf or checkers or chess, members of the family can fight out battles, and if some of the usual emphasis on good sportsmanship is waived, they can even own up to the enmity that accompanies the shots and the moves.

For some teen-agers, activities such as these are more effective pathways to follow than talk of and by itself.

All in all, however, the most direct way for adolescents (and for adults too, for that matter) is to get feelings out through the channel of talk.